


Answerable

by Viridian5



Category: Andromeda
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, M/M, Scary thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-30
Updated: 2010-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-06 20:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is much more responsibility than Harper expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Answerable

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Under the Night," "An Affirming Flame," "It Makes a Lovely Light," and "Pitiless as the Sun."
> 
> This was rescued from an abandoned WIP and expanded. Pre-reading by Syvia.

Something woke Harper up, and it wasn't the alarm. The chron face said that it was still disgustingly early in the "morning." Dammit. He twitched within the tight circle of Dylan's arms.

"It's all right, Harper," Dylan said, loosening his hug.

There you go. He'd felt Dylan tensing up around him even in his sleep. "No, it's not. Not if you're awake stressing out and waking me up when you're supposed to be asleep."

"They're just night thoughts."

"Those can be the worst kind."

When Dylan sighed, Harper felt it all along his body. Dylan said, "I was thinking that I have to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop taking on everyone's problems. Stop taking on all the responsibility of restoring the Commonwealth. We have several worlds signed to us, and we're almost at 50; maybe we can let them take up the slack, do some of the work themselves for a change." Dylan sounded tired. "I can't do it all anymore. Maybe I should scale down my ambitions."

It sounded like sanity, sanity from Dylan on the issue for the first time ever, but it worried Harper. Dylan's self-appointed, megalomaniacal mission to save the universe kept him going. What happened when Dylan set it aside? When the momentum stopped and he had time to sit and think?

The known worlds didn't know how lucky they were that the Maru crew had snagged and boarded the Andromeda instead of letting it drift out of the event horizon on its own. If Dylan hadn't been distracted by his invaders and Gerentex, he would have started to think about what had happened to him, dwelling on it and everything he'd lost, and his sanity would have snapped under the pressure, leaving a nutcase in command of the most powerful warship currently in existence, a nutcase whose knowledge of the universe's political balances was 300 years out of date. Harper imagined an insane Dylan going out with all his firepower and ignorance to "fix" things, and it sent shivers down his spine.

Harper didn't _know_ that this would have happened--it wasn't like Dylan had said anything, and maybe Dylan didn't even realize--but he figured he knew Dylan well enough and seen Dylan's personality type go down in flames often enough to be right about it. Staying busy, having a purpose, and living a structured life seemed to help Dylan. Maybe it was the military training, whatever, but he seemed to need all of that.

"What's wrong?" Dylan asked.

Oh, shit. "Just wondering what you'll do with your time once you stop trying to save the universe singlehandedly." As much as he would love to be able to see Dylan's face, at least the darkness kept Dylan from seeing the look on his.

"I figure we could still help people. You and Beka keep saying I should be more concerned with individuals than ideals."

Well, yeah, but that left Dylan with no structure or schedule, just wandering around randomly helping people. 

"Right." Harper could feel his reaction worry Dylan, but he just didn't have enough of his brain online to say the right things fast enough. He wasn't even sure what the right things were. Damn, was it up to him to keep Dylan level? "It's just a big change in thinking. I mean, in the doing part we already help lots of individual folks, but the thinking...."

"It's something I'm considering. It's been almost peaceful lately, and I like it."

"Peaceful is good. Yay, peaceful." As if they wouldn't get tired of peaceful. Please. Harper knew better.

This might be worrying over nothing. People had the damnedest ideas while lying awake in the middle of the night that didn't seem half as appealing by day. Dylan might drop it. Or he might not and this might even turn out to be a good idea for him, healthy.

How did the fate of all of known space end up on his shoulders? All Harper had volunteered for was the sex, banter, and snuggling.

Harper squirmed inwardly as he wondered whether he should tell Beka, or not. While she'd never told him that he should report all important pillow talk to her, they'd done it in the past and she probably expected him to give her a head's up. As Dylan's first officer, the person who'd replace him if he went loony tunes or died, she had to be made aware of potential problems. She might have to relieve him of command.

Damn, would Rommie even let her, no matter how nuts Dylan got?

Different problem. Leave it alone. For now.

Torn between two captains. Great. Just great. If he told, he'd feel like scum. If he didn't tell and something bad happened, he'd feel like scum. And maybe dead too. Though he wouldn't feel like scum anymore after he died because then he wouldn't feel anything.

He hadn't told Dylan about Beka's Flash addiction that time, and he hadn't told Beka that Dylan had him building nova bombs. Yeah, and the guy who sat in the middle of the road got run over by both sides.

This wasn't the kind of decision to make half-asleep.

He'd wait, see how things went. Maybe he wouldn't have to do anything.

Harper realized that, worried, he'd stiffened up in Dylan's arms, so he tried to let all the stress drain out of his body before Dylan could notice. It must not have worked, because Dylan said, "I can hear you thinking."

Frightening thought. "Yeah, those hamsters running in their little wheels can get really loud. Your night thoughts have infected my brain. How about we save the big, deep thinking for when we're both totally awake and working on all cylinders?"

"I still can't sleep."

"I know something we can do to distract you from your thoughts and put you out like a light afterward."

Harper could almost hear Dylan's smile as he said, "Show me."

Harper was the Andromeda Ascendant's engineer. He maintained and upgraded a warship that affected political and military balances daily just by existing in working condition. Keeping Dylan on a good path was... just more engineering. Everything would be fine. Just fine.

 

### End


End file.
